Saturday, November 6, 2010

Trying to keep the crazy in check

I am kind of freaking out.  I haven't heard from F since Thursday night.  He was planning on leaving Las Vegas this morning, and he told me he'd let me know when he left.  Hotel checkout was 11am, and it is now mid-afternoon and no word. 

These past 9 days without him have been interesting.  The first 5 were kinda great.  I got friendly with my Tivo, did a lot of knitting, and had a couple of days where getting dressed meant putting on clean pajamas. (I love pajamas, and if I'm not leaving the apartment, I don't put on real clothes.  Don't worry, I'm not depressed.)  Anyway, then the week started and it was harder than average.  Extreme embarrassment Tuesday, a presentation Wednesday, extra long day Thursday, and helping out at the Science Center on Friday (fun hanging with kids, not fun giving the same spiel 100x).  Add some PMS to the mix, and we have a recipe for a few tears. 

Anyway, I have enjoyed the independence, but at the same time I've felt kind of alone.  Not only has F been physically absent, but we haven't gotten to talk much either.  He called Thursday night, but he woke me up so I was a little grouchy with him.  Wednesday we talked briefly online during the day, but that night he was partying so I didn't hear from him again.  I don't want to be the clingy girlfriend bothering him 24/7 needing reassurance, and I know he's been super busy, but I feel a little neglected.  Also, he knew I was nervous about him going to Las Vegas of all places, and it would have been nice if he'd been a little more attentive.  I don't need any grand gestures, but a random "I love you" text would have done wonders. 

I'm not really sure what to do when I do hear from him.  Part of me wants to push him away and ignore him because I feel a little bit of rejection.  I am tempted to tell him not to come over tomorrow when he gets back.  But that would be punishing him, which I'm not sure is the most mature move.  And then there's the part of me that wants to give him a hug so big that he falls over.  And he's not a small guy, so that's saying a lot!

Friday, November 5, 2010

How to make a baby monster

A knitting project for a friend's baby, photos courtesy of F:

I can see the head!


It's a GIRL!!

Proud Mama.

Papa's cutting the cord!

Mama and baby! Awww!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Tuesday was craptastic!

Oh, my goodness, Tuesday morning was beyond terrible.  The worst was in the morning, but really, it cast a dark cloud over the whole day. 

Normally I have Tuesdays off, but my coworker, M, wanted to take a class for enrichment.  I'm a fan of learning, so I agreed.  No big deal, right?  WRONG!

I showed up to the building with a few minutes to spare.  Or what I thought was the right building, but turns out it was the other medical center, a block away.  Still, I had time so I hurried over there.  Then I got to the room that they sent me in an email, sat down, and was informed that I was in the wrong class.  I had only written down the room number and not the title of the course, so I had to wander around the building and finally ask someone.  Turns out the class was in 110, not 120.  K, minor setback, but totally fine because I was only 2 minutes late and class hadn't started yet.

Then the real fun began.  The instructor wanted us to do these long introductions, answering about 5 questions.  I could easily see that this class was definitely for enrichment and didn't apply so much to our jobs, so I let my coworker introduce herself first (Side note: I hate introductions because I hate speaking in front of groups, but I especially hate them when they're long and we aren't going to see anyone again after so who the fuck cares where everyone works?).  I thought that I would piggyback on M's explanation, since we do the same thing and I didn't want to repeat her.  Despite my hatred for intro exercises, I actually wasn't trying to get out of talking.  I just wasn't sure exactly how to answer all the questions and also didn't want to say exactly what my M said.

So when the instructor called on me, I started with, "I work with M and so I'm not going to repeat what she said," and then the instructor interrupted me, called out that I was "cheating" and then said some other stuff that I didn't hear because the whole class was laughing.  LAUGHING.  AT ME.  An introvert's nightmare!  Of course I turned fire-engine red.  It was so bad that I had to bury my face in my hands.  I was sweating like crazy.  I couldn't believe how she had picked on me, first thing in the morning, on my day off, after I had gotten lost, and made me almost want to cry.  If my coworker hadn't been there I would have left and not come back. 

I'm sure she doesn't think it was that bad.  She seems like one of those extroverts who can't possibly imagine what it feels like to be an introvert, and can't fathom anyone not liking to introduce themselves in front of a bunch of strangers.  But I couldn't concentrate for the first hour of class, and I don't want to go back for the second part.  It stuck with me through the rest of the day, and I got upset every time I thought about it.  I'm not sure what to do, though.  I want to tell her, or her supervisor, but at the same time I'm worried that she'll think I'm overreacting.  What would you do?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

What happens in Las Vegas...

F made it safely to Las Vegas.  He called me on Friday morning to tell me.  And then he did something really sweet that gave me faith that everything would be okay while he was there for 10 days.

He told me that he was staying in a house (on a couch) where this woman lived.  She was separated from her husband, and one of his friends was trying to hook up with her.  Another guy friend, who was married, was also going to stay there.  HOWEVER, his wife didn't want him to be near all the almost-cheating-hooking up stuff in this woman's house, so she told him not to.  So he LIED to his wife so he wouldn't get the verbal lashing crap that would go along with him staying there.  I really really hope I don't ever get to that point in my relationship, but I'm not there yet because F told me what was going on.  When he asked if I was ok hearing that stuff, I said "Yeah, I want you to be able to tell me things."  And he said, "That's what I thought."

He's been gone now 7 days, and should be back on Sunday.  So far it's been nice because I've been able to get everything done for school and around my apartment, but yesterday was rough and by bedtime I really wanted him there.  I'll be glad when he gets home.